n***@gmail.com
2014-10-19 18:37:50 UTC
Do you hate Pokemon Black 2 & Pokemon White 2? Are you a Nate and Rosa hater? Do you wish that Hilbert and Hilda would return to Unova and Unova would go back to how it was 2 years ago? Well, you're in luck, because these are the methods to kill Nate and Rosa every day of the year, including leap year! This is also a reworded parody of the 365 Ways to Kill Barney. You might remember that from 1996. So, here we go!
1. Make them play their own game.
2. Make them gargle broken glass.
3. Get Trainer-sized mannequins and fill them with razor blades.
(kinda like the razored apple Halloween trick!)
4. Get them to read "The Canonical List of Blonde Jokes" to a room
full of feminists.
5. Send them to Sea World to see Shamu -enough said
6. Drop them from a bridge onto the in-bound lane of the Boston
Expressway.
7. Slap some antlers on their heads and send them into the woods
during November.
8. Move every third molecule 3 feet to the left until they closely
resemble Picasso's "Guernica".
9. Nail their feet to their shoulders and use them as the Jamaican
bobsleds in the 2016 Winter Olympics.
10. Hollow them out and fill them with Bac-o-bits, use as Swiss
Colony store display model.
11. Cryogenically freeze them, then cut out shamrock shaped pieces
of their body, dye green, and use as lapel pins for St. Patrick's
Day.
12. Shoot them.
13. "Nate and Rosa, I would like you to meet Dr. Kevorkian...."
14. Let them be a guest on Geraldo...let the one armed,
Vietnamese, lesbian, bigamist rip their arms off.
15. Donate their bodies to science...early.
16. Well, just call my cousins Riley and Scarlet and tell them
that you kinda placed $200 in a bag under the rock in the
park....mention the fact that you would _love_ to have Nate and Rosa's
knee-caps as conversation pieces.
17. Ask the owl in the tree, "How many layers of skin does it
take to get to the middle of Nate and Rosa?" Peel off layers of skin
one at a time.
18. Get them to show Trainers how to make and set off pipe bombs.
19. Have them magically turn Aspertia City into a vacuum ... watch
their bodies explode.
20. Strip off their flesh, bury the bones and organs in your back yard, and
then dig them up, a piece at a time, selling them to your nearest
science museum. A complete human body would be worth a fortune! Death to Nate and Rosa for fun AND profit!
21. Put them in Straight-Jackets (really tough & leathery).
22. Put them in one of those inflated bounce amusement park things
for a year or so...
23. Prepare them as food in any number of ways (deep fried and
breaded is my personal favourite) then grind up their bones for
fertilizer. Sell food to enemy. Watch enemy become Nate or Rosa.
Then repeat the process as many times as you like...
24. Sew their lips to their assholes.
25. Take them into space and put them into a decaying orbit.
26. Cut them up with a dull chain-saw.
27. Toss them into a blast furnace.
28. Make either of them a referee in an NHL game.
29. Tell the little kid Trainers of the world that Nate and Rosa want you to eat your vegetables.
30. Write a "101 Uses for Dead Pokemon Trainers" book.
31. Make them listen to Jesse Jackson.
32. Put them in a guillotine; put the rope holding up the blade in
their mouths and then beat their ass with a jagged piece of metal until they scream.
33. Put them on the Starship Enterprise. Make them go up to Worf
and ask them if it's true that all Klingons are really wimps.
34. Dip them in tar (anything sticky will do), cover them with
hundred-dollar bills and throw them into a pit full of lawyers...
35. Cut open their guts until their entrails lie splayed out on the
floor. Don't give them a needle and thread.
36. Tie them down in the middle of the Sahara Desert and let the
vultures have them. I am not sure that is a good idea because we don't need to be that cruel to the vultures.
37. Duct tape them to a street light in South Central L.A. If we
are lucky, they will both be shot in a drive by!
38. There is the old "Cement Overshoes", but that could be
considered water pollution.
39. Make them write, "We will not be demons sent from the lowest
depths of hell and we will turn Unova back into how it was 2 years ago" 100 times with a piece of chalk only 1/4 inch long.
40. Lob a can of Nitro-nine under their butts.
41. Bury all but their head in an anthill. Cover with honey. See
how effective that torture method *really* is.
42. Shark bait. (Need to cut them up a little first...)
43. Let them take the place of a car crash dummy.
44. Have them clean up toxic waste/nuclear radiation sites (*cough* Castelia Sewers *cough*), without environmental gear.
45. Let them have a loooong visit in the Marinaras Trench.
46. Have them stand under the space shuttle during the next
launch.
47. Send them to inspect an underground nuclear test site, minutes
before the next test.
48. Send them to Somalia as famine relief.
49. Target practice.
50. Send them on a candlelight tour of the Wilson Dynamite
factory.
51. Pack their parachutes all wrong and push them out of an airplane.
Then throw the chute after them.
52. Use them for testing Ginsu knives with Mrs. Bobbitt helping
out.
53. Get them to neuter a Pit-Bull Terrier.
54. Cruise missile target.
55. Plutonium enema.
56. "Charlie Manson? These are your new cell-mates."
57. Send them to Miami in a rented car.
58. Lock them in a room with 10 rabid raccoons.
59. Send them on a walking tour of the La Brea Tar Pits.
60. Make them become politicians in Mexico.
61. Take them bungee jumping. Forget to secure bungee cord.
62. Poke them in the belly. With an ice pick. See if they laugh like the Pillsbury Doughboy.
63. Cast them in place of Mr. Bill on "The Mr. Bill Show"
64. Cut off their legs, and watch them fall on their faces for lack of balance.
65. Send them to Loch Ness. Maybe Nessie will try to mate with
them.
66. Cut off their arms and say "Where's that Pokedex
*now*!?!"
67. Shave their hair. ALL of it.
68. The Juice Tiger. It separates the Nate and Rosa pulp from the
Nate and Rosa juices.
69. Infiltrate the Nintendo DS game cards and switch the "Pokemon Black 2 & Pokemon White 2" data with the "Pokemon Black & White" data and watch Hilbert and Hilda burn Nate and Rosa to death.
70. Use them to insulate the steam pipes at your local nuclear
generating station.
71. Move the set of the game to a Japanese festival. Yuuta Kobayashi, Akane Kobayashi, Mega Man and Roll will come and change Unova back to how it was 2 years ago when the parade, games and the fireworks display start.
72. Let them visit the local jail, shove them in a cell and let the
sex-starved convicts after them.
73. Use them as evidence to prove that the acceleration of gravity
is 9.8 m/s^2 on Earth. Oh! and make sure that it is off of the
Sears tower too.
74. Let them take a New York Subway at night.
75. Use their heads to plug up leaky dikes in Holland. (that is the
water barriers, not the other kind).
76. Use them as bungee cords.
77. Make them hug Madonna. (When she's wearing her pointy bra)
78. Let them help put out forest fires.
79. Teflon bullets to the skull, chest, and genitalia of the Trainers.
80. Throw them into a combine.
81. Bazooka blast to their craniums.
82. Nuclear Bombs. Nuff said.
83. Tie them up like a pinata and have young Mexican Trainers beat
it to death.
84. Drown them in gasoline and then set it ablaze.
85. Throw them in a vat of methylene chloride.
86. Use them for an 18 wheeler's traction.
87. Have them inspect the space shuttle's engines at T+60.
88. Put them in a cage that houses 1000 Tokay Geckoes.
89. Have them change targets at a rifle range... without ceasing
fire.
90. Put them to work at the Mt. St. Helens Close Study Station
AFTER the next evacuation.
91. Use them as test subjects at the Army's Biological - Chemical
- Nuclear Warfare unit.
92. Place them underneath equal quantities of iron oxide and
powdered aluminum. (use lots of both... < 100 pounds... mix
well, but carefully) Toss in a lit sparkler.
93. Freeze them with liquid nitrogen, and repeat step 83.
94. See if liquid helium has similar effects.
95. Cover them in a mixture of 110 Octane AvGas and Ivory Soap
Flakes. (mix until gel-like) You'll need another sparkler.
96. Force-feed them potassium chlorate solution.
97. Have them transported to Bosnia, where everyone over there can
unite under a single cause for once in a thousand years and kill
them!
98. Microwave ovens work wonders.
99. Tie them down in a chair and force them to listen to country
music, until even THEY go insane with all the sap!
100. Have them climb trees near overhead power lines.
101. Put them on trial for paedophilia. They'll kill themselves.
102. Have them ask Fred Phelps about the good side of
homosexuality. NOTE: Fred Phelps is the biggest Gay basher on
the Earth.
103. Let THEM tell the baseball leagues they're not getting their raise.
104. Tell them Jimmy Hoffa was a bad man and they should tell it to
the Teamsters.
105. Give them two bottles. #1 is filled with nitroglycerine and
napalm. #2 is full of pepper.
106. Tell the Menedez Boys they are in cahoots with their parents.
107. Put them on an LA freeway at 4:59.
108. Put them in Crip gear in a Blood neighbourhood. (reversible)
109. Drain-O milkshakes.
110. Have them apply at Oscar Meyer as "Hot Dog Filler".
111. Make them wear a pentagram and send them to a Baptist church
112. Virtual Realty Nate&RosaDOOM.
113. "Gee Mr. Tarzan, we thought apes were stupid."
114. Send them to a Buddhist Cafe and order the Filet-mignon.
115. Send them to France and have them declare they're American.
116. Let them drink the water in Juadalahara.
117. Get them married to O J Simpson. (Rosa would work the most for this one.)
118. Make them tell Rush Limbaugh he's a sissy.
119. Tell them nitroglycerine can be made in a paint mixer.
120. 100 cans of JOLT and a titanium steel vault.
121. Tell the NRA they support gun control.
122. Send them to a country western bar and let them play heavy
metal. (reversible)
123. A Black Hole.
124. "Gee Mr. Barkley, we can play basketball better than
you......."
125. Make them run UNIX on a Tandy Colour Computer 3. (128k total)
126. Give them the box from Hellraiser and tell them it's N's Rubix
Cube.
127. "Can we have a drink of that, Mr. Socrates?"
128. Enroll them on a 15 step program while on a 10 step pier.
129. Tell them piranhas like to be petted. For better results, use an untamed Victreebel.
130. Fill Flossesy Ranch with quicksand.
131. Shove a Q-tip down their ears and through their heads.
132. Shove them into a meat-grinder. (Don't actually cook the
meat and serve it, though!)
133. Lock them up in a tiny school locker, then shoot bullets around them, thus scaring the living hell out of them, then either let them die of shock and starvation or simply shoot them through the door (but in the gut! That way they BLEED to death, slowly, and painfully!).
134. Infect Rosa with some debilitating disease, then, since
Nate obviously has sex with her regularly, sit back and watch
the fun.
135. Inject them with all the chemicals that go into Hostess Twinkies.
136. Pour equal, and large, amounts of ammonia and then bleach
down their throats ( a funnel may come in handy) then
stand back and watch the corrosive chlorine fumes quickly melt
their organs from the inside out.
137. Tie them under a huge magnifying glass on a real sunny day;
you've made a new treat! "TRAINER FRITTERS"!
138. Sign either one of them up as the new drummer for "Spinal Tap".
139. Give them a stack of "Save the Whales" GreenPeace fliers and
send them to Rush Limbaugh's house.
140. Peg 60-pound dumbbells at them until they dies.
141. Lock them in a tiny elementary school locker, plug up the
bottom slats, then slowly drop bugs in through the top slats
(preferably creatures like spiders and centipedes). If you get
tired of this get a gun and shoot Nate and Rosa through the locker door.
142. Make them drink fabric softener until they soften to death.
143. Put them in an old car that's being put in the crusher.
144. Introduce them to a pit bull.
145. Stuff them down the garbage disposal.
146. Mummify them.
147. Give them drowning lessons.
148. Nitroglycerin suppository
149. Paper cuts from hate mail
150. Wine press
151. Dissolved in organic solvent of choice (e.g.
1,1,1-trichloroethane, acetone, carbon tetrachloride)
152. Clubbed by a baby seal hunter
153. Exploding gas barbecue
154. Rusty meat hook
155. Pulp digester / Saw mill
155. Lethal ingestion of bean sprouts and tofu
156. Skydiving accident (Their concrete parachute fails to open).
157. Nate and Rosa meet the Terminator. "Hasta la vista...NATE AND ROSA!".
158. Exploding bicycle
159. Field trip to your local Pokemon zoo. Nate and Rosa love to spread love
and happiness to all of the carnivorous Pokemon.
160. Children's Tylenol laced with cyanide
161. Trampling by the feet of their haters
162. Asphyxiation on a twinkie
163. Bungee jumping with cord tied around neck (with static
line?)
164. 1000 RPM merry-go-round
165. Dragged behind a school bus on a gravel road
166. Arms or legs caught in elevator doors
167. Legalization of Trainer slavery
168. Nasal spray or eye drops replaced with concentrated acid
(e.g. nitric, chromic, hydrofluoric, sulphuric, or hydrochloric)
169. Add crushed glass to their granola or high fibre cereal.
170. Thrown in a vat of bleach. (White Nate and White Rosa could become a
symbol for white supremacy for men and women respectively)
171. Sucked into a turbo-prop engine (a jet would be more fun.
'After Burner II?')
172. Replace the candles on their 13th birthday cakes with sticks of TNT.
173. Swarmed by killer bees
174. Parasites
175. Kidnapped by members of the Columbian drug cartel (or is he
the ring leader in disguise)
176. Chopped up into pet food (Purina Nate and Rosa chow)
177. Shintu massage as administered by a sumo wrestler.
178. Assimilation by the Borg. (but they probably wouldn't want
them)
179. Acupuncture with a nail gun
180. Hit and run at a school crossing
181. Brains scrambled (rescrambled?) by aliens
182. Body cavity search using a fish scaling knife.
183. Harpooned by a whaling ship
184. OOPS! Nate and Rosa shouldn't have soldered that propane tank
while full.
185. Run over by a Zamboni
186. "Accidentally" shoved in front of a subway train.
187. Crushed between plates in a fault line.
188. Inquiring minds want to know...What is the tensile strength
of Nate and Rosa?
189. Used as guinea pigs in a pain threshold study.
190. Replace the powder in their Pixie-Stix candy with cocaine.
191. Egyptian mummification ritual.
192. Visit to the taxidermist.
193. Blasted with a Neuron-T-disrupter.
194. Forced to watch "The Wall" video without their happy pills.
195. Give them lead roles in a snuff film.
196. Tar and feathered by crazed parents, including Hilbert and Hilda and their mother. "Welcome home, dear. Or should I say...GOODBYE!!!"
197. Bludgeoned to flesh-colored paste.
198. Compressed to a singularity.
199. Bent, folded and mutilated by the post office. (would be
worse if you didn't write "fragile" on the label)
200. Nate and Rosa go for a spin on a cyclotron. Too bad about the
sudden stop.
201. Heat pasteurization.
202. Nate and Rosa star in an Itchy and Scratchy movie.
203. Put Nate and Rosa in an old Star Trek episode, in RED SHIRTS.
204. Put Nate and Rosa in a Star Trek Next Generation episode, in gold
shirts.
205. Confine them with Marvin the depressed Android (Douglas Adams).
206. Use Nate and Rosa as test subjects for exotic new nerve gases.
207. Fix their hemmorhoids with the electric hedge trimmer.
208. Feed them fish & chips (& vinegar - Acetic Acid) and top it with lots of salt. (H2C3 H2O ) +NaCl -> Na2C3 H2O + HCl
209. Send them to Montreal wearing Toronto Maple Leafs jerseys.
210. Just wait. Nintendo will probably ignore their existence soon,
anyway...
211. Send them to a cannibal infested island.
212. Make them stick their head in a paper shredder, or a garbage
disposal, or a lawn mower... you get the Idea.
213. Use them as archery practice.
214. Use them as bayonet practice.
215. Tie them to the back of a semi. Drive over very hard surfaces.
216. Tell them that lying in the road is fun.
217. Send them to Spain for "The running of the bulls" (tie weights to their feet)
218. Throw them in a shark pit.
219. Throw them in a alligator pit.
220. Put them in a blender and sell them as strawberry flavoured children's cough syrup. (Of course that would be cruelty to children.)
221. Make them listen to Preston Manning (leader of Reform party
in Canada, he has a high pitched, squawking voice).
222. Send them to Africa wearing KKK clothes.
223. Send them to Cuba with shirts saying "Fidel sucks."
224. Give Nate and Rosa a gasoline shower and then make them smoke. (As N says, "Burn baby burn").
225. Make them take a bath and drop a radio, hair dryer, microwave, and etc. in there with them.
226. Put them on a NYC subway without a weapon
227. Put them on a NYC bus without money (and watch what the
drivers do to them)
228. Send them Door to Door in NYC asking for contributions to keep making Nate and Rosa games.
229. Lock Nate and Rosa in a cave with Sesame Street (They
both suck so much they should stay like that for ever until they
are forced to eat each other)
230. Strap them to the back of a Ford Pinto, then rear-end it into
an iron maiden.
231. Nail them down to a sidewalk, then get a bicycle and ride
back and forth over them until they die, relishing the sounds of
their bones crackling and breaking like newspapers, seeing seams
burst open in their sides and foam guts flying out of them, hearing
their final agonized screech before you crush their heads with a tire.
232. Shove their head in a floppy drive, then type "format a:".
233. Make them sit in the passenger seat of an experimental sports car, speed the car up to an incredible velocity, then shove their heads out the window and watch their layers of flesh and pale skin float away.
234. Lock them in a tiny elementary school locker, putty up the
bottom slats, then slowly drop bugs in through the top slats
(preferable creatures like spiders and centipedes). When you are
satisfied with the number of bugs putty up the top slats, sit
back, and enjoy hearing their howls and shrieks of terror until you
tire and shoot them through the locker door.
235. Send them to a Gay Pride parade wearing shirts that read "I hate queers".
236. Make them bungee jump with a regular rope tied around their
necks.
237. Place Nate and Rosa in a quarantine room and give them an injection
of the latest Level 4 viruses, including Ebola.
238. Paint them white and handcuff them to a streetlight in a housing project full of gangbangers.
239. Tell Michael Jackson that Nate is a little boy and Rosa is a little girl.
240. Perform dentistry on them with a Black & Decker electric
drill, using a really big drill bit.
241. Force feed them Hudson river water.
242. Make them swallow broken light bulbs.
243. Force-administer them lots and lots of Barium enemas.
244. Shove a beer bottle up their asses and smash it with a hammer.
245. Burn them repeatedly with a cauterizing wand.
246. "Accidentally" leave the heart defibrillator turned on, with
the paddles superglued to their chests.
247. Smash in all their teeth with a crescent wrench, then perform
root canals and extractions of them all without using novacaine.
248. Three-week old urine specimens. Need we say more?
249. Souffle a'la Nate and Rosa. Microwave or conventional oven.
250. Locked in with the sequestered O.J. Simpson jury members
for the entire duration of trial.
251. Let them fiddle around with a magnetron.
252. Toliet bowl cleaner and Comet forced down their throat.
253. An enema made with a whole box of automatic dishwasher detergent.
254. Dress them like drag queens and drop off at a biker bar.
255. Knock over the row of Harleys at the same bar, blame it on them.
256. Nate and Rosa at the bottom of an elevator shaft. Load the elevator
with grand pianos, bring to top floor, and cut the cable.
257. Inject with crank, speedballs, and opium; put PCP in their crack pipes.
258. Large double-headed dildo, filled with strong acid or alkali,
inserted into Nate and Rosa's bungholes and left to disintegrate.
259. Strapped to medieval torture device, and worked on till mortality.
260. Send them to a gay bar with a repertoire of the cruelest gay jokes.
261. Send them to McHugh's Irish Pub with repertoire of Irish jokes.
262. Jack In The Box cheezeburgers. Lots of them.
263. Nate and Rosa the Construction Workers.... oops!
264. Stab with used syringes from the AIDS testing laboratory.
265. Replacement quarterbacks for any NFL team.
266. Replacement goalies for any NHL team.
267. Nate and Rosa bumper guards on any seagoing garbage scow.
268. Make either one of them a replacement "Jason" on any "Friday the 13" movie.
269. Send them out trick or treating in the bad part of town.
Don't give them a flashlight or reflective clothing.
270. The Nate and Rosa Christmas Tree holder. Be sure to use frayed cords
for the tree lights, running the cord underneath them. Water well.
271. Test target for any railgun.
272. Make them smoke in a cigerette lighter factory.
273. Product testers for the Ex-Lax company. Do not provide toliet.
274. Tank full of electric eels.
275. Government LSD test subject. (Acid-O-Therapy)
276. Nate. Rosa. Warp core breach. End of story.
277. Seal Nate and Rosa in a Jefferies tube, release neurophosgene gas.
278. Transporter malfunction.
279. Lock Nate and Rosa in a cage with Asian bird-eating tarantulas. Lots of them.
280. Shove a paper bag down their throats.
281. Make them swallow defective condoms filled with heroin.
282. Put them in the pressurized chicken fryer ala KFC Extra Crispy.
283. Lock them in a commercial freezer with an ammonia leak inside.
284. Decompression chamber.
285. Jobs as process servers in Harlem or L.A.
286. Bicycle messengers in New York.
287. Lance open abdomen to expose viscera, leave near anthill.
288. Open heart surgery, "forget" about using anesthesia.
289. Chainsaw enema.
290. Shotgun enema.
291. Feed a liquid diet deficient in iron and fibre, and let them die of chronic diarrhea.
292. Insulin injections. Lots of them.
293. Test targets for a 40 megawatt beam of positrons and antiprotons.
294. Replacement insulators for high tension transmission line.
295. The Nate and Rosa Ballast Resistor. (a little tight fitting in DS)
296. Insert broom handle up Nate and Rosa's bungholes, and use as a toliet plunger.
297. Wire them to hi-power FM transmitter and use as a dummy load.
298. While they're catching Pokemon, rehook their enema hose to the vacuum cleaner.
299. Replace all their Pokeballs with lug wrenches and tire irons. Make
them carry their own bag.
300. Force-fed all the urine samples from the drug testing lab.
301. Force-fed dozens of leaking flashlight batteries.
302. Strapped down under a 2500-watt mercury vapour lamp with a broken
outer envelope for 16 hours. Then rub in moistened salt paste with
coarse-grade sandpaper. (Hint: Mercury lamps emit LOTS of ultraviolet)
303. Band saw.
304. The Black & Decker Pecker Wrecker.
305. Saw off their sacks (castration).
306. Put them in bed with Lorraina Bobbitt, Tanya Harding, Hillary
Clinton, Hilbert and Hilda, and N. They will wake up the next morning with broken legs, missing their ding dongs, and without health insurance.
307. Abdominal peritonitis.
308. Feed them lots of calcium and baking soda. (alkalosis and kidney
stones)
309. Dropped in a launching tube with the 4th of July fireworks.
Light the fireworks tubes with their 13th birthday candles.
310. Used as a urinator at a multiple-keg beer bash.
311. Anthrax and rodent-vector hemmorhagic fever injections.
312. Thrown in the moshpit at the next Metallica concert.
313. Put on a pair of black gloves and O.J. their butts.
314. Test out the new Trainer-Slicer from Ronko.
315. Cover with honey and show them how Bianca broke your Uncle Milton Ant
Farm.
316. Put them in a blender, heat to warm....Trainer-De Jour.
317. Two words "Trainer Burgers."
318. Put Nate and Rosa in an espresso maker, Cafe New Unova.
319. Shove live rats up their asses and let them eat their way out.
320. Hook up a vacuum cleaner to their colostomy bag, set for Edge-Kleener.
321. Crazy glue their anuses closed, and force feed them five bottles of Fleet
Phospho-soda saline laxative.
322. Sharpen up the old wood ax and give them "Split Personalities."
323. Shove a cordless telephone up their asses and call their number until they
answer it. Call collect.
324: Laser eye surgery, using Star Wars technology.
325: Make them count the transistors in a Pentium chip. Punish severely
every time they loses count, so they have to start over.
326: Boeing aircraft crash test dummies.
327: Make them do surgery on their own bungholes. Hand them plenty of dull knives and scissors to do the job with. Dip scissors in an unflushed toliet, rotting kitchen garbage, or other bacteria-laden places.
328: The Nate and Rosa Aquarium Ornament. After a few days, buy some nice pirhanas for the fishtank, turn off the light, and dump them in.
329: Have them drive a UPS truck through the Chicago picket lines.
330: The Nate and Rosa Lightning Rod.
331: Flatten with a steam roller, and cut out urinator screens from the
flattened carcass.
332: Strap into a wheelchair. Unscrew the brake handles, and roll off the
top of a San Francisco or Seattle hilltop. In either case, they should
hit water at the bottom.
333: The Nate and Rosa Toliet Seat Cover.
334: Strap into a wheelchair, and roll toward the front of a large jet
aircraft. Callously allow them to be sucked into the engine intake.
335: Force them to write "Nate and Rosa Death Lists" for all eternity.
336: Cram them into a toliet tank and drop off a tall cliff or building.
337: Force them to hand-spin the "disk" inside a hard disk drive. Punish
each time a disk error occurs. If too many errors occur, cut off
their hands and spank them with them.
338: Substitute Nate and Rosa for Principal McVickar in a Beavis & Butthead show. Repeat process until Nate and Rosa run out of clean pants and pills. Then let Daria and Buzzcut beat the bejeesus out of them.
339: Soak them thoroughly and deposit them in Antarctica.
340: Deposit Nate and Rosa in Disneyland on Gay Day, and let all the queers
hug them until they die. Then put the corpses in Goofy's dog dish.
341: Break their arms and legs and leave them at a Benny Hinn revival.
342: Have them star in an Energizer commercial substituting for the Bunny,
and have the guy lie about which battery really lasts longer.
343: Replace the couch on Beavis and Butthead in the "Die Fly Die" episode.
Replace it with Nate and Rosa.
344: Vaya con Cornholio.
345: Make them eat chicken in Hong Kong.
346: Pop fluorescent light bulbs over their head until they choke on all that
white powder and die. (Wear a respirator when you do this)
347: Throw Nate and Rosa into an electrical vault. Water well.
348: The Nate and Rosa Candleholder. Let the candles burn all the way down.
349: Put them halfway in an open elevator. Have someone up on the roof to
cut the cable before they get all the way inside.
350: Feed them Ex-Lax brownies, then sew their lips to their assholes.
351: Ben-Gay their genitalia. Tell them it's to stop "morning wood".
352: Shove a lamp up their bungholes, then turn it on and walk away.
Be sure to use a 100W or larger light bulb.
353: Strap their heads to the largest loudspeaker at an Anthrax concert.
354: Put them in a black Mercedes and send into a tunnel with photographers
on motorcycles taking their picture.
355: Replace the wrecking ball at a demolition with Nate and Rosa. Wreck a building or two with this contraption.
356: Dry-clean Nate and Rosa. Immediately toss them into a gas fired clothes dryer, start it, and glue the timer knob to the machine. Run like hell!
357: A .357 in the wrong hands works wonders. Jamming a lighted propane
or acetylene torch down their throats also works quite effectively.
358: Lock them in a suitcase and leave at the Denver airport. I don't think
they've fixed their suitcase-eating baggage carousel yet.
359: The Nate and Rosa Diaper Pail. Give it to those people who had septuplets.
360: Have them field all of the hate calls to Nintendo for ever making Pokemon Black 2 & White 2 to begin with.
361: Insert seal bombs, cherry bombs, Roman candles and bottle rockets into
all of Nate and Rosa's bodily orfices and skin folds. Connect fuses together and put them in an electrically-fired squib. Wire the squib to the smoke alarm, and then go burn some toast.
362: Insert some Whistling Petes into their bungholes. Light the fuses.
363: Clean up spilled gasoline with paper towels, then throw them in the
toliet. Force them to smoke while taking a dump. Be sure they throw
the match (or the siggeret stub) in the toliet afterwards.
364: Jam full bottles of champagne down their throats. Set them on a really shaky or strongly vibrating amusement ride for awhile, then hit him in the stomach with a tire iron.
365: Wind fifty strings of Christmas lights around them, then take them outside, set in shallow water, plug the lights in, then kick them over.
366: Cut off their ding-dongs and shove it up their bungholes. Do *not* bandage
up the stub of their pee-pees. Force-feed warfarin teepz if necessary.
This should provide you with one (1) cruel method to dispatch those hideous
satan-loving Pokemon Trainers for EACH and EVERY DAY of the coming year, including leap year.
#71 is a reference to Mega Man: Upon a Star, an OVA from 1993.
1. Make them play their own game.
2. Make them gargle broken glass.
3. Get Trainer-sized mannequins and fill them with razor blades.
(kinda like the razored apple Halloween trick!)
4. Get them to read "The Canonical List of Blonde Jokes" to a room
full of feminists.
5. Send them to Sea World to see Shamu -enough said
6. Drop them from a bridge onto the in-bound lane of the Boston
Expressway.
7. Slap some antlers on their heads and send them into the woods
during November.
8. Move every third molecule 3 feet to the left until they closely
resemble Picasso's "Guernica".
9. Nail their feet to their shoulders and use them as the Jamaican
bobsleds in the 2016 Winter Olympics.
10. Hollow them out and fill them with Bac-o-bits, use as Swiss
Colony store display model.
11. Cryogenically freeze them, then cut out shamrock shaped pieces
of their body, dye green, and use as lapel pins for St. Patrick's
Day.
12. Shoot them.
13. "Nate and Rosa, I would like you to meet Dr. Kevorkian...."
14. Let them be a guest on Geraldo...let the one armed,
Vietnamese, lesbian, bigamist rip their arms off.
15. Donate their bodies to science...early.
16. Well, just call my cousins Riley and Scarlet and tell them
that you kinda placed $200 in a bag under the rock in the
park....mention the fact that you would _love_ to have Nate and Rosa's
knee-caps as conversation pieces.
17. Ask the owl in the tree, "How many layers of skin does it
take to get to the middle of Nate and Rosa?" Peel off layers of skin
one at a time.
18. Get them to show Trainers how to make and set off pipe bombs.
19. Have them magically turn Aspertia City into a vacuum ... watch
their bodies explode.
20. Strip off their flesh, bury the bones and organs in your back yard, and
then dig them up, a piece at a time, selling them to your nearest
science museum. A complete human body would be worth a fortune! Death to Nate and Rosa for fun AND profit!
21. Put them in Straight-Jackets (really tough & leathery).
22. Put them in one of those inflated bounce amusement park things
for a year or so...
23. Prepare them as food in any number of ways (deep fried and
breaded is my personal favourite) then grind up their bones for
fertilizer. Sell food to enemy. Watch enemy become Nate or Rosa.
Then repeat the process as many times as you like...
24. Sew their lips to their assholes.
25. Take them into space and put them into a decaying orbit.
26. Cut them up with a dull chain-saw.
27. Toss them into a blast furnace.
28. Make either of them a referee in an NHL game.
29. Tell the little kid Trainers of the world that Nate and Rosa want you to eat your vegetables.
30. Write a "101 Uses for Dead Pokemon Trainers" book.
31. Make them listen to Jesse Jackson.
32. Put them in a guillotine; put the rope holding up the blade in
their mouths and then beat their ass with a jagged piece of metal until they scream.
33. Put them on the Starship Enterprise. Make them go up to Worf
and ask them if it's true that all Klingons are really wimps.
34. Dip them in tar (anything sticky will do), cover them with
hundred-dollar bills and throw them into a pit full of lawyers...
35. Cut open their guts until their entrails lie splayed out on the
floor. Don't give them a needle and thread.
36. Tie them down in the middle of the Sahara Desert and let the
vultures have them. I am not sure that is a good idea because we don't need to be that cruel to the vultures.
37. Duct tape them to a street light in South Central L.A. If we
are lucky, they will both be shot in a drive by!
38. There is the old "Cement Overshoes", but that could be
considered water pollution.
39. Make them write, "We will not be demons sent from the lowest
depths of hell and we will turn Unova back into how it was 2 years ago" 100 times with a piece of chalk only 1/4 inch long.
40. Lob a can of Nitro-nine under their butts.
41. Bury all but their head in an anthill. Cover with honey. See
how effective that torture method *really* is.
42. Shark bait. (Need to cut them up a little first...)
43. Let them take the place of a car crash dummy.
44. Have them clean up toxic waste/nuclear radiation sites (*cough* Castelia Sewers *cough*), without environmental gear.
45. Let them have a loooong visit in the Marinaras Trench.
46. Have them stand under the space shuttle during the next
launch.
47. Send them to inspect an underground nuclear test site, minutes
before the next test.
48. Send them to Somalia as famine relief.
49. Target practice.
50. Send them on a candlelight tour of the Wilson Dynamite
factory.
51. Pack their parachutes all wrong and push them out of an airplane.
Then throw the chute after them.
52. Use them for testing Ginsu knives with Mrs. Bobbitt helping
out.
53. Get them to neuter a Pit-Bull Terrier.
54. Cruise missile target.
55. Plutonium enema.
56. "Charlie Manson? These are your new cell-mates."
57. Send them to Miami in a rented car.
58. Lock them in a room with 10 rabid raccoons.
59. Send them on a walking tour of the La Brea Tar Pits.
60. Make them become politicians in Mexico.
61. Take them bungee jumping. Forget to secure bungee cord.
62. Poke them in the belly. With an ice pick. See if they laugh like the Pillsbury Doughboy.
63. Cast them in place of Mr. Bill on "The Mr. Bill Show"
64. Cut off their legs, and watch them fall on their faces for lack of balance.
65. Send them to Loch Ness. Maybe Nessie will try to mate with
them.
66. Cut off their arms and say "Where's that Pokedex
*now*!?!"
67. Shave their hair. ALL of it.
68. The Juice Tiger. It separates the Nate and Rosa pulp from the
Nate and Rosa juices.
69. Infiltrate the Nintendo DS game cards and switch the "Pokemon Black 2 & Pokemon White 2" data with the "Pokemon Black & White" data and watch Hilbert and Hilda burn Nate and Rosa to death.
70. Use them to insulate the steam pipes at your local nuclear
generating station.
71. Move the set of the game to a Japanese festival. Yuuta Kobayashi, Akane Kobayashi, Mega Man and Roll will come and change Unova back to how it was 2 years ago when the parade, games and the fireworks display start.
72. Let them visit the local jail, shove them in a cell and let the
sex-starved convicts after them.
73. Use them as evidence to prove that the acceleration of gravity
is 9.8 m/s^2 on Earth. Oh! and make sure that it is off of the
Sears tower too.
74. Let them take a New York Subway at night.
75. Use their heads to plug up leaky dikes in Holland. (that is the
water barriers, not the other kind).
76. Use them as bungee cords.
77. Make them hug Madonna. (When she's wearing her pointy bra)
78. Let them help put out forest fires.
79. Teflon bullets to the skull, chest, and genitalia of the Trainers.
80. Throw them into a combine.
81. Bazooka blast to their craniums.
82. Nuclear Bombs. Nuff said.
83. Tie them up like a pinata and have young Mexican Trainers beat
it to death.
84. Drown them in gasoline and then set it ablaze.
85. Throw them in a vat of methylene chloride.
86. Use them for an 18 wheeler's traction.
87. Have them inspect the space shuttle's engines at T+60.
88. Put them in a cage that houses 1000 Tokay Geckoes.
89. Have them change targets at a rifle range... without ceasing
fire.
90. Put them to work at the Mt. St. Helens Close Study Station
AFTER the next evacuation.
91. Use them as test subjects at the Army's Biological - Chemical
- Nuclear Warfare unit.
92. Place them underneath equal quantities of iron oxide and
powdered aluminum. (use lots of both... < 100 pounds... mix
well, but carefully) Toss in a lit sparkler.
93. Freeze them with liquid nitrogen, and repeat step 83.
94. See if liquid helium has similar effects.
95. Cover them in a mixture of 110 Octane AvGas and Ivory Soap
Flakes. (mix until gel-like) You'll need another sparkler.
96. Force-feed them potassium chlorate solution.
97. Have them transported to Bosnia, where everyone over there can
unite under a single cause for once in a thousand years and kill
them!
98. Microwave ovens work wonders.
99. Tie them down in a chair and force them to listen to country
music, until even THEY go insane with all the sap!
100. Have them climb trees near overhead power lines.
101. Put them on trial for paedophilia. They'll kill themselves.
102. Have them ask Fred Phelps about the good side of
homosexuality. NOTE: Fred Phelps is the biggest Gay basher on
the Earth.
103. Let THEM tell the baseball leagues they're not getting their raise.
104. Tell them Jimmy Hoffa was a bad man and they should tell it to
the Teamsters.
105. Give them two bottles. #1 is filled with nitroglycerine and
napalm. #2 is full of pepper.
106. Tell the Menedez Boys they are in cahoots with their parents.
107. Put them on an LA freeway at 4:59.
108. Put them in Crip gear in a Blood neighbourhood. (reversible)
109. Drain-O milkshakes.
110. Have them apply at Oscar Meyer as "Hot Dog Filler".
111. Make them wear a pentagram and send them to a Baptist church
112. Virtual Realty Nate&RosaDOOM.
113. "Gee Mr. Tarzan, we thought apes were stupid."
114. Send them to a Buddhist Cafe and order the Filet-mignon.
115. Send them to France and have them declare they're American.
116. Let them drink the water in Juadalahara.
117. Get them married to O J Simpson. (Rosa would work the most for this one.)
118. Make them tell Rush Limbaugh he's a sissy.
119. Tell them nitroglycerine can be made in a paint mixer.
120. 100 cans of JOLT and a titanium steel vault.
121. Tell the NRA they support gun control.
122. Send them to a country western bar and let them play heavy
metal. (reversible)
123. A Black Hole.
124. "Gee Mr. Barkley, we can play basketball better than
you......."
125. Make them run UNIX on a Tandy Colour Computer 3. (128k total)
126. Give them the box from Hellraiser and tell them it's N's Rubix
Cube.
127. "Can we have a drink of that, Mr. Socrates?"
128. Enroll them on a 15 step program while on a 10 step pier.
129. Tell them piranhas like to be petted. For better results, use an untamed Victreebel.
130. Fill Flossesy Ranch with quicksand.
131. Shove a Q-tip down their ears and through their heads.
132. Shove them into a meat-grinder. (Don't actually cook the
meat and serve it, though!)
133. Lock them up in a tiny school locker, then shoot bullets around them, thus scaring the living hell out of them, then either let them die of shock and starvation or simply shoot them through the door (but in the gut! That way they BLEED to death, slowly, and painfully!).
134. Infect Rosa with some debilitating disease, then, since
Nate obviously has sex with her regularly, sit back and watch
the fun.
135. Inject them with all the chemicals that go into Hostess Twinkies.
136. Pour equal, and large, amounts of ammonia and then bleach
down their throats ( a funnel may come in handy) then
stand back and watch the corrosive chlorine fumes quickly melt
their organs from the inside out.
137. Tie them under a huge magnifying glass on a real sunny day;
you've made a new treat! "TRAINER FRITTERS"!
138. Sign either one of them up as the new drummer for "Spinal Tap".
139. Give them a stack of "Save the Whales" GreenPeace fliers and
send them to Rush Limbaugh's house.
140. Peg 60-pound dumbbells at them until they dies.
141. Lock them in a tiny elementary school locker, plug up the
bottom slats, then slowly drop bugs in through the top slats
(preferably creatures like spiders and centipedes). If you get
tired of this get a gun and shoot Nate and Rosa through the locker door.
142. Make them drink fabric softener until they soften to death.
143. Put them in an old car that's being put in the crusher.
144. Introduce them to a pit bull.
145. Stuff them down the garbage disposal.
146. Mummify them.
147. Give them drowning lessons.
148. Nitroglycerin suppository
149. Paper cuts from hate mail
150. Wine press
151. Dissolved in organic solvent of choice (e.g.
1,1,1-trichloroethane, acetone, carbon tetrachloride)
152. Clubbed by a baby seal hunter
153. Exploding gas barbecue
154. Rusty meat hook
155. Pulp digester / Saw mill
155. Lethal ingestion of bean sprouts and tofu
156. Skydiving accident (Their concrete parachute fails to open).
157. Nate and Rosa meet the Terminator. "Hasta la vista...NATE AND ROSA!".
158. Exploding bicycle
159. Field trip to your local Pokemon zoo. Nate and Rosa love to spread love
and happiness to all of the carnivorous Pokemon.
160. Children's Tylenol laced with cyanide
161. Trampling by the feet of their haters
162. Asphyxiation on a twinkie
163. Bungee jumping with cord tied around neck (with static
line?)
164. 1000 RPM merry-go-round
165. Dragged behind a school bus on a gravel road
166. Arms or legs caught in elevator doors
167. Legalization of Trainer slavery
168. Nasal spray or eye drops replaced with concentrated acid
(e.g. nitric, chromic, hydrofluoric, sulphuric, or hydrochloric)
169. Add crushed glass to their granola or high fibre cereal.
170. Thrown in a vat of bleach. (White Nate and White Rosa could become a
symbol for white supremacy for men and women respectively)
171. Sucked into a turbo-prop engine (a jet would be more fun.
'After Burner II?')
172. Replace the candles on their 13th birthday cakes with sticks of TNT.
173. Swarmed by killer bees
174. Parasites
175. Kidnapped by members of the Columbian drug cartel (or is he
the ring leader in disguise)
176. Chopped up into pet food (Purina Nate and Rosa chow)
177. Shintu massage as administered by a sumo wrestler.
178. Assimilation by the Borg. (but they probably wouldn't want
them)
179. Acupuncture with a nail gun
180. Hit and run at a school crossing
181. Brains scrambled (rescrambled?) by aliens
182. Body cavity search using a fish scaling knife.
183. Harpooned by a whaling ship
184. OOPS! Nate and Rosa shouldn't have soldered that propane tank
while full.
185. Run over by a Zamboni
186. "Accidentally" shoved in front of a subway train.
187. Crushed between plates in a fault line.
188. Inquiring minds want to know...What is the tensile strength
of Nate and Rosa?
189. Used as guinea pigs in a pain threshold study.
190. Replace the powder in their Pixie-Stix candy with cocaine.
191. Egyptian mummification ritual.
192. Visit to the taxidermist.
193. Blasted with a Neuron-T-disrupter.
194. Forced to watch "The Wall" video without their happy pills.
195. Give them lead roles in a snuff film.
196. Tar and feathered by crazed parents, including Hilbert and Hilda and their mother. "Welcome home, dear. Or should I say...GOODBYE!!!"
197. Bludgeoned to flesh-colored paste.
198. Compressed to a singularity.
199. Bent, folded and mutilated by the post office. (would be
worse if you didn't write "fragile" on the label)
200. Nate and Rosa go for a spin on a cyclotron. Too bad about the
sudden stop.
201. Heat pasteurization.
202. Nate and Rosa star in an Itchy and Scratchy movie.
203. Put Nate and Rosa in an old Star Trek episode, in RED SHIRTS.
204. Put Nate and Rosa in a Star Trek Next Generation episode, in gold
shirts.
205. Confine them with Marvin the depressed Android (Douglas Adams).
206. Use Nate and Rosa as test subjects for exotic new nerve gases.
207. Fix their hemmorhoids with the electric hedge trimmer.
208. Feed them fish & chips (& vinegar - Acetic Acid) and top it with lots of salt. (H2C3 H2O ) +NaCl -> Na2C3 H2O + HCl
209. Send them to Montreal wearing Toronto Maple Leafs jerseys.
210. Just wait. Nintendo will probably ignore their existence soon,
anyway...
211. Send them to a cannibal infested island.
212. Make them stick their head in a paper shredder, or a garbage
disposal, or a lawn mower... you get the Idea.
213. Use them as archery practice.
214. Use them as bayonet practice.
215. Tie them to the back of a semi. Drive over very hard surfaces.
216. Tell them that lying in the road is fun.
217. Send them to Spain for "The running of the bulls" (tie weights to their feet)
218. Throw them in a shark pit.
219. Throw them in a alligator pit.
220. Put them in a blender and sell them as strawberry flavoured children's cough syrup. (Of course that would be cruelty to children.)
221. Make them listen to Preston Manning (leader of Reform party
in Canada, he has a high pitched, squawking voice).
222. Send them to Africa wearing KKK clothes.
223. Send them to Cuba with shirts saying "Fidel sucks."
224. Give Nate and Rosa a gasoline shower and then make them smoke. (As N says, "Burn baby burn").
225. Make them take a bath and drop a radio, hair dryer, microwave, and etc. in there with them.
226. Put them on a NYC subway without a weapon
227. Put them on a NYC bus without money (and watch what the
drivers do to them)
228. Send them Door to Door in NYC asking for contributions to keep making Nate and Rosa games.
229. Lock Nate and Rosa in a cave with Sesame Street (They
both suck so much they should stay like that for ever until they
are forced to eat each other)
230. Strap them to the back of a Ford Pinto, then rear-end it into
an iron maiden.
231. Nail them down to a sidewalk, then get a bicycle and ride
back and forth over them until they die, relishing the sounds of
their bones crackling and breaking like newspapers, seeing seams
burst open in their sides and foam guts flying out of them, hearing
their final agonized screech before you crush their heads with a tire.
232. Shove their head in a floppy drive, then type "format a:".
233. Make them sit in the passenger seat of an experimental sports car, speed the car up to an incredible velocity, then shove their heads out the window and watch their layers of flesh and pale skin float away.
234. Lock them in a tiny elementary school locker, putty up the
bottom slats, then slowly drop bugs in through the top slats
(preferable creatures like spiders and centipedes). When you are
satisfied with the number of bugs putty up the top slats, sit
back, and enjoy hearing their howls and shrieks of terror until you
tire and shoot them through the locker door.
235. Send them to a Gay Pride parade wearing shirts that read "I hate queers".
236. Make them bungee jump with a regular rope tied around their
necks.
237. Place Nate and Rosa in a quarantine room and give them an injection
of the latest Level 4 viruses, including Ebola.
238. Paint them white and handcuff them to a streetlight in a housing project full of gangbangers.
239. Tell Michael Jackson that Nate is a little boy and Rosa is a little girl.
240. Perform dentistry on them with a Black & Decker electric
drill, using a really big drill bit.
241. Force feed them Hudson river water.
242. Make them swallow broken light bulbs.
243. Force-administer them lots and lots of Barium enemas.
244. Shove a beer bottle up their asses and smash it with a hammer.
245. Burn them repeatedly with a cauterizing wand.
246. "Accidentally" leave the heart defibrillator turned on, with
the paddles superglued to their chests.
247. Smash in all their teeth with a crescent wrench, then perform
root canals and extractions of them all without using novacaine.
248. Three-week old urine specimens. Need we say more?
249. Souffle a'la Nate and Rosa. Microwave or conventional oven.
250. Locked in with the sequestered O.J. Simpson jury members
for the entire duration of trial.
251. Let them fiddle around with a magnetron.
252. Toliet bowl cleaner and Comet forced down their throat.
253. An enema made with a whole box of automatic dishwasher detergent.
254. Dress them like drag queens and drop off at a biker bar.
255. Knock over the row of Harleys at the same bar, blame it on them.
256. Nate and Rosa at the bottom of an elevator shaft. Load the elevator
with grand pianos, bring to top floor, and cut the cable.
257. Inject with crank, speedballs, and opium; put PCP in their crack pipes.
258. Large double-headed dildo, filled with strong acid or alkali,
inserted into Nate and Rosa's bungholes and left to disintegrate.
259. Strapped to medieval torture device, and worked on till mortality.
260. Send them to a gay bar with a repertoire of the cruelest gay jokes.
261. Send them to McHugh's Irish Pub with repertoire of Irish jokes.
262. Jack In The Box cheezeburgers. Lots of them.
263. Nate and Rosa the Construction Workers.... oops!
264. Stab with used syringes from the AIDS testing laboratory.
265. Replacement quarterbacks for any NFL team.
266. Replacement goalies for any NHL team.
267. Nate and Rosa bumper guards on any seagoing garbage scow.
268. Make either one of them a replacement "Jason" on any "Friday the 13" movie.
269. Send them out trick or treating in the bad part of town.
Don't give them a flashlight or reflective clothing.
270. The Nate and Rosa Christmas Tree holder. Be sure to use frayed cords
for the tree lights, running the cord underneath them. Water well.
271. Test target for any railgun.
272. Make them smoke in a cigerette lighter factory.
273. Product testers for the Ex-Lax company. Do not provide toliet.
274. Tank full of electric eels.
275. Government LSD test subject. (Acid-O-Therapy)
276. Nate. Rosa. Warp core breach. End of story.
277. Seal Nate and Rosa in a Jefferies tube, release neurophosgene gas.
278. Transporter malfunction.
279. Lock Nate and Rosa in a cage with Asian bird-eating tarantulas. Lots of them.
280. Shove a paper bag down their throats.
281. Make them swallow defective condoms filled with heroin.
282. Put them in the pressurized chicken fryer ala KFC Extra Crispy.
283. Lock them in a commercial freezer with an ammonia leak inside.
284. Decompression chamber.
285. Jobs as process servers in Harlem or L.A.
286. Bicycle messengers in New York.
287. Lance open abdomen to expose viscera, leave near anthill.
288. Open heart surgery, "forget" about using anesthesia.
289. Chainsaw enema.
290. Shotgun enema.
291. Feed a liquid diet deficient in iron and fibre, and let them die of chronic diarrhea.
292. Insulin injections. Lots of them.
293. Test targets for a 40 megawatt beam of positrons and antiprotons.
294. Replacement insulators for high tension transmission line.
295. The Nate and Rosa Ballast Resistor. (a little tight fitting in DS)
296. Insert broom handle up Nate and Rosa's bungholes, and use as a toliet plunger.
297. Wire them to hi-power FM transmitter and use as a dummy load.
298. While they're catching Pokemon, rehook their enema hose to the vacuum cleaner.
299. Replace all their Pokeballs with lug wrenches and tire irons. Make
them carry their own bag.
300. Force-fed all the urine samples from the drug testing lab.
301. Force-fed dozens of leaking flashlight batteries.
302. Strapped down under a 2500-watt mercury vapour lamp with a broken
outer envelope for 16 hours. Then rub in moistened salt paste with
coarse-grade sandpaper. (Hint: Mercury lamps emit LOTS of ultraviolet)
303. Band saw.
304. The Black & Decker Pecker Wrecker.
305. Saw off their sacks (castration).
306. Put them in bed with Lorraina Bobbitt, Tanya Harding, Hillary
Clinton, Hilbert and Hilda, and N. They will wake up the next morning with broken legs, missing their ding dongs, and without health insurance.
307. Abdominal peritonitis.
308. Feed them lots of calcium and baking soda. (alkalosis and kidney
stones)
309. Dropped in a launching tube with the 4th of July fireworks.
Light the fireworks tubes with their 13th birthday candles.
310. Used as a urinator at a multiple-keg beer bash.
311. Anthrax and rodent-vector hemmorhagic fever injections.
312. Thrown in the moshpit at the next Metallica concert.
313. Put on a pair of black gloves and O.J. their butts.
314. Test out the new Trainer-Slicer from Ronko.
315. Cover with honey and show them how Bianca broke your Uncle Milton Ant
Farm.
316. Put them in a blender, heat to warm....Trainer-De Jour.
317. Two words "Trainer Burgers."
318. Put Nate and Rosa in an espresso maker, Cafe New Unova.
319. Shove live rats up their asses and let them eat their way out.
320. Hook up a vacuum cleaner to their colostomy bag, set for Edge-Kleener.
321. Crazy glue their anuses closed, and force feed them five bottles of Fleet
Phospho-soda saline laxative.
322. Sharpen up the old wood ax and give them "Split Personalities."
323. Shove a cordless telephone up their asses and call their number until they
answer it. Call collect.
324: Laser eye surgery, using Star Wars technology.
325: Make them count the transistors in a Pentium chip. Punish severely
every time they loses count, so they have to start over.
326: Boeing aircraft crash test dummies.
327: Make them do surgery on their own bungholes. Hand them plenty of dull knives and scissors to do the job with. Dip scissors in an unflushed toliet, rotting kitchen garbage, or other bacteria-laden places.
328: The Nate and Rosa Aquarium Ornament. After a few days, buy some nice pirhanas for the fishtank, turn off the light, and dump them in.
329: Have them drive a UPS truck through the Chicago picket lines.
330: The Nate and Rosa Lightning Rod.
331: Flatten with a steam roller, and cut out urinator screens from the
flattened carcass.
332: Strap into a wheelchair. Unscrew the brake handles, and roll off the
top of a San Francisco or Seattle hilltop. In either case, they should
hit water at the bottom.
333: The Nate and Rosa Toliet Seat Cover.
334: Strap into a wheelchair, and roll toward the front of a large jet
aircraft. Callously allow them to be sucked into the engine intake.
335: Force them to write "Nate and Rosa Death Lists" for all eternity.
336: Cram them into a toliet tank and drop off a tall cliff or building.
337: Force them to hand-spin the "disk" inside a hard disk drive. Punish
each time a disk error occurs. If too many errors occur, cut off
their hands and spank them with them.
338: Substitute Nate and Rosa for Principal McVickar in a Beavis & Butthead show. Repeat process until Nate and Rosa run out of clean pants and pills. Then let Daria and Buzzcut beat the bejeesus out of them.
339: Soak them thoroughly and deposit them in Antarctica.
340: Deposit Nate and Rosa in Disneyland on Gay Day, and let all the queers
hug them until they die. Then put the corpses in Goofy's dog dish.
341: Break their arms and legs and leave them at a Benny Hinn revival.
342: Have them star in an Energizer commercial substituting for the Bunny,
and have the guy lie about which battery really lasts longer.
343: Replace the couch on Beavis and Butthead in the "Die Fly Die" episode.
Replace it with Nate and Rosa.
344: Vaya con Cornholio.
345: Make them eat chicken in Hong Kong.
346: Pop fluorescent light bulbs over their head until they choke on all that
white powder and die. (Wear a respirator when you do this)
347: Throw Nate and Rosa into an electrical vault. Water well.
348: The Nate and Rosa Candleholder. Let the candles burn all the way down.
349: Put them halfway in an open elevator. Have someone up on the roof to
cut the cable before they get all the way inside.
350: Feed them Ex-Lax brownies, then sew their lips to their assholes.
351: Ben-Gay their genitalia. Tell them it's to stop "morning wood".
352: Shove a lamp up their bungholes, then turn it on and walk away.
Be sure to use a 100W or larger light bulb.
353: Strap their heads to the largest loudspeaker at an Anthrax concert.
354: Put them in a black Mercedes and send into a tunnel with photographers
on motorcycles taking their picture.
355: Replace the wrecking ball at a demolition with Nate and Rosa. Wreck a building or two with this contraption.
356: Dry-clean Nate and Rosa. Immediately toss them into a gas fired clothes dryer, start it, and glue the timer knob to the machine. Run like hell!
357: A .357 in the wrong hands works wonders. Jamming a lighted propane
or acetylene torch down their throats also works quite effectively.
358: Lock them in a suitcase and leave at the Denver airport. I don't think
they've fixed their suitcase-eating baggage carousel yet.
359: The Nate and Rosa Diaper Pail. Give it to those people who had septuplets.
360: Have them field all of the hate calls to Nintendo for ever making Pokemon Black 2 & White 2 to begin with.
361: Insert seal bombs, cherry bombs, Roman candles and bottle rockets into
all of Nate and Rosa's bodily orfices and skin folds. Connect fuses together and put them in an electrically-fired squib. Wire the squib to the smoke alarm, and then go burn some toast.
362: Insert some Whistling Petes into their bungholes. Light the fuses.
363: Clean up spilled gasoline with paper towels, then throw them in the
toliet. Force them to smoke while taking a dump. Be sure they throw
the match (or the siggeret stub) in the toliet afterwards.
364: Jam full bottles of champagne down their throats. Set them on a really shaky or strongly vibrating amusement ride for awhile, then hit him in the stomach with a tire iron.
365: Wind fifty strings of Christmas lights around them, then take them outside, set in shallow water, plug the lights in, then kick them over.
366: Cut off their ding-dongs and shove it up their bungholes. Do *not* bandage
up the stub of their pee-pees. Force-feed warfarin teepz if necessary.
This should provide you with one (1) cruel method to dispatch those hideous
satan-loving Pokemon Trainers for EACH and EVERY DAY of the coming year, including leap year.
#71 is a reference to Mega Man: Upon a Star, an OVA from 1993.